Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there's no signs of life there.

Ghost sit around campfires telling Chuck Norris stories.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a nightlight because he's afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck


Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.


Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris . . . the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.


Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.


Chuck Norris once had a role in Star Wars . . . he was the force


When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook you can feel it.


Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.


Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.


Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.


Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.


Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.


Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready


Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.


Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

The Dog and the Shadow

By Shafer Green

       One lazy autumn afternoon saw a Dog walking down a worn dirt path on his way home. He had in his mouth a large scrap of steak the butcher had given him for begging, but to the Dog’s narrow mind, it was a piece of heaven. As he was walking across a small tree that had fallen over a creek, he happened to look down and see his reflection in the water below him. The Dog in the water also had some steak. Feeling as hungry as a starved goat, he asked the reflection,

       “May I please have that steak? I haven’t eaten all day and I doubt that one piece will be enough to satisfy hunger.” The reflection did not give him the meat but instead just stood there looking at him with his head cocked. The Dog got angry.

       “Fine. If you won’t give it to me, then I’ll just have to take it!” The Dog dove into the water as thoughts of a big two steak dinner flashed in his mind. However, when he opened his jaws to grab the other piece of meat, his piece flew through the air and was quickly swallowed up but the fast rushing water. The Dog searched frantically for the piece of meat but in vain. He then realized how greedy he had been and went to sleep that night without a bite to eat all day.

       This sort of thing happens nowadays too. People take a greedy risk for more power or satisfaction and end up losing everything they started off with.

Guosim (Guerilla Union of Shrews in Mossflower) Chant

Guosim! Guosim!
Sail 'im, dip 'im, douse 'im
If'n you see a shrew in river or stream,
Who can jump like a trout an' swim like a bream,
Fight like a pike an' sing like a lark,
An' paddle a boat from dawn 'til dark...
Yer lookin' at a Guosim!
O Guosim! Guosim!
Sail 'im, dip 'im, douse 'im
If'n you see a shrew who c'n cook up a stew,
Brew dark beer an' bake bread too,
An' bend 'is back an' pull an oar,
Row all day an' shout fer more...
Yer lookin' at a Guosim!
O Guosim! Guosim!
Sail 'im, dip 'im, douse 'im
Not an otter or waterdog,
No nor a spiky ole 'edge'og,
Even a warty toad or frog,
So it's three cheers for our Log a Log!
We're Guosim Guosim Guosim!